by admin | Marriage & Family, Relationship Building, Women Inspirations
Knowing the right man for you, and how to attract the right man for you may be easier than you think. Why? Because it is a natural feeling that you will just know what to do at that moment. Let’s look at one characteristic in the male pursuit for his mate. A man will pursue the right women for him. He will know her when he sees her. First of all, when you are around each other, you will both feel something that is uniquely different than the feeling you have when you are around other men or women.
You might have slightly felt this feeling when you were in the presence of other men, but this feeling with Mr. Right will be a bit different. It is like going from a maybe, to an absolute yes! You will notice a calming effect in him, and he will be attentive to you and not totally caught up into himself, or his cell phone, tv or other destractions while you are together. Putting it mildly, you both will feel a strong sense of connection for each other. That is normal.
This does not always happen on first dates, so give it time and never rush a man to fall in love with it. I would suggest three months of just spending time together getting to know one another. Asking questions, and allowing him to disagree with you every now and then. When it does happen, you will both know it. Never, and I absolutely mean Never push or rush a man to this feeling.
What I mean by this, is never ask him if he is feeling something for you, and demanding an answer. If this happens, you will turn him in the opposite directon, and later you will realize that his feelings were premature at the time you were demanding a response. He might have been getting to that point of a commitment with you, but after you questioned him. He was turned off.
Attracting a man is not a hard thing to do. You just need to focus on who you are, and what you want out of life and that part of attracting him will just fall into place. The hard part is his. He must choose you and be worthy of you. His greatest fear is that he may not be worthy of a girl like you. So, work on being the right woman for him. He is out there somewhere looking for you right now.
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by admin | Marriage & Family
One Reason Not To Divorce!
Part 1
If we incorporated the “40 Reasons to Divorce, but One Reason Not To” idea as a requirement for Marriage Counseling, we might find that fewer people would call it quits.
We chose to tell our story for that exact purpose. We have been married for 40 years now, and for each year of those 40 years, we could give one reason we could have chosen to throw in the towel.
So, for that reason we chose the title of this Blog “40 Reasons to Divorce” But, we chose not to. So let us start our story from the beginning. We will call it Part 1.
One might say that the wedding day is the happiest day in a couple’s life, It normally is for the Bride, but oftentimes the Bride and the Groom might see things slightly different.
That being said, the Bride and the Groom will have two different perspectives of their “Special Day”.
It is important that before the marriage the couple understand why they are getting married in the first place. We will call this their reason why? Their why must be stronger than their desire, because your desire may quickly change as time pass. So, Here is our story!
This June 7th day was not too much different than any other day that couples are excited about called “Our Wedding Day”.
You wake up that morning and everthing is perfect. June is such a beautiful month because everything outside is blooming and growing at a very high speed.
So I thought, why should my wedding day be any different? If June 6th was any sign of what the next day would look like… I was more than grateful. The day prior to June 7th was perfect.
I went to bed that night with a bit of excitement. I was optimistic about the next day which would be my wedding day. Many friends and family members had arrived in town to help celebrate the anticipated happiest day of my life. I did not see my fiance that day, but spoke with him on the phone often.
The next day came quickly. I woke up around 6:00 a.m, with the sounds of lightening and thundering. I looked out of my window, and to my surprise it was totally black. I did not even see street lights on, which I can normally see from my bedroom window. So, I thought, I will go back to bed and give this storm time to blow over.
To my amazement, it was now 8:30 a.m., and no sign of light anywhere. I could still hear the frequent sounds of lightening and thundering. Hum, I thought, I will get up anyway and get started on my day, after all, it is my wedding day, and maybe by the time I shower, dress, and give myself a facial, I will start seeing the beautiful Sunlight outside.
As the morning progressed, the weather continued to get even worse. It is now 10:30 a.m. The rain poured as if the skies in the Heavens opened up and poured bucket-fuls of water over the earth. Was God crying, I thought! Or, was He trying to tell me something?
Whatever it was,..I did not want to hear it on my wedding day. After all, God had plenty opportunities to pull me aside and tell me, “Don’t do this!” So, why would He wait to the last minute and choose today? No! I did not want to hear it. It just didn’t make any sense to me at all. So, I chose to ignore all prior warning signs and looked forward to the best wedding day ever!
But it wasen’t that simple. By this time, everyone is concerned. The phone is ringing off the hook. We did not have cell phones at that time, so people traveling on the highways had to pull over on the side of the road because of weather conditions. They had no way to communicate to us their traffic delays.
The question that no couple wants to hear on their wedding day was now being asked……”Is the wedding still on?”.
Please stay tuned for Part 2.
by admin | Marriage & Family, Relationship Building
A Dad’s Influence
If you were asked if a Dad have an influence in his daughter’s life, I hope you would be like me in say, “Absolutely Yes”. But how would I know this? Well, I am the daughter of a man that taught me everything I know. He was kind, he was loving, he was a hard worker, but most of all, he was my Dad.
I will share with you the impact my Dad made in my life, as he made many, but this is one that I am reminded of almost every day. When I was 16 years of age I got my first job. This was in the 1960s, and having a job back then really meant something special. It meant that you were trustworthy, and you did not mind working.
After working my job for one month, my Dad took me to the Bank and said, I want you to open a Bank account and deposit all these checks in it. He went on to say, “Make no withdrawels from it except for a rainy day”. That was a strange statement for me to hear, because, I did not know what a rainy day meant.
It was years later before I was able to grasp exactly what my dad was trying to telling me. It meant to make a withdrawel only in cases of an emergency. Wow, that blew me away! What emergency could a girl 16 years old encounter?
That influence was a game changer for me, even today it is still edged in my mind 50 years later, and my husband has instilled those same values in our five daughters. It is not easy to do this with all the glitter and glamour the world continously throws at us. It says spend, spend, spend.
A Dad’s influence in the life of his daughter cannot be measured with money. You just can’t put a dollar tag on it. It is something that set the course of her life because a daughter trust her Dad, and that trust is so important in molding how she see other men in her life.
I recently saw a social media post with a photo portraying a dad spending quality time with his daughter, and for the record let’s say he was a good dad. They were both standing on the porch of their home. The dad was standing beside his daughter, pointing outward from the house showing her the beautiful scenery of the land that was before them.
The daughter had a beautiful smile on her face as she gleaned from just being in her dad’s presence. She was soaking up the attention he was giving her and that was a special moment. A quick thought came over me to catch that moment and write about it. It was my opportunity to reach out to all dads who may have been blessed to have a daughter.
Your love and attention is so important, it does not go unnoticed, and she will cherish it forever. I know, because my dad is no longer alive, and I am still cherishing those special times he spent with me.
Being a dad is one who raise a child as his own. He does not necessarily have to be her dad by birth. So, If you have been living the Dad Role to a daughter or child. You are making an impact. God bless you!
The greatest impact in a young girl’s life will normally (not always), come from her relationship with her dad. Daughters in most cases will seek those same traits she saw growing up in her dad – in the man she marry.
So, I dedicate this post to my husband who has been an excellent dad to all my daughters, although they were not all his by birth. He was a dad to all of them, and that is what a real dad is all about.
When your daughter grows up, and becomes an adult, everything that you have instilled in her will still be with her. It molds her personality, the way she thinks, and most of all, the way she feels about herself. She will be what you have invested in her. It becomes who she is, and what she aspires to be. She will live by those learned principles . And unfortunately, it works the same whether good or bad. She will desire to be just like you.
Please comment me with your thoughts. It is never to late to become a good dad. Start today!
by admin | General, Marriage & Family
Men do not look, nor think the same way as women
Understanding men is not an easy task for any women who desires to find the right man in her life. This blog will assist you in thinking a bit deeper before taking every word as face value. We will discuss a few things to consider. Men do not look, nor think the same way as women.
A matter of fact, they are the opposite of women and in most cases think differently. Yet, men can be compatible. What a man tell you many times is not what they mean. And men, this is for you. Women say and do things the opposite of what men may understand.
That is why relationships can be complicated. Let’s focus in this Blog on one area and probably the most important communication factor between the opposite sex. There are a few things ladies we must learn about men, and the earlier we realize this, the better.
As Women, we like to build lasting relationships. We also desire intimacy and companionship in that relationship. Finding a true mate in today’s society is not easy to do. So many times we find ourselves settling for less.
In most cases, men are looking for women who they can just have fun with for the night. Men call this “Playing the Field”. Men sees it as, if nothing is broken, why fix it. These men ladies are not looking, nor are they ready for a lasting relationship or commitment.
When it comes to falling in love, men love deeply. When they fall for you, it is hard for them if they ever have to break away. They don’t handle broken relationships well, and when they get hurt by a woman, it is hard for them to trust or love again.
Men are much more cautious when beginning new relationship than women. Women will find a few qualities in a man they admire, and they will quickly tell their family and friends about him, and move forward towards a committed relationship. She wants it to be permanent.
When a woman cannot get a commitment for marriage, she is much more quickly to suggest moving in together than the man. This sometimes is an open door ticket for the man to take advantage of the opportunity with the understanding that he can still have his freedom to roam with other women on the side.
It is important that women take a step back, slow down and evaluate the full picture of that relationship. If he is willing to move in with you, it does not mean he is ready for a committed relationship. In most cases, it mean the he is willing to take a chance for a “free ride”. Men are not stupid ladies. If he can get a free ride, why would he go out and buy a car?
You see ladies, we often tell ourselves that he just need time, and you can change his mind and drive him to marriage, and living with him will prove to him that you both make great companions, but most of all it allows you to prove to him that you can be a good wife and will make a good mother to his offspring. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. Marriage is not based on none of those things.
Marriage is based on completion. You see ladies, Men are incomplete without a women. When we try to complete him in a sexual way before the commitment of matrimony happens, his desire to keep searching for that completion will continues. God made man to desire a woman (He called her his wife) to complete him physically, mentally and sexually.
He made her beautiful, gentle, and desirable physically, mentally and sexually for that reason. But it must be done in the way God intended it to be. In our society today, Sex is a dirty word. But it is not dirty when done in the right way, and it is up to us (women) to bring that beautiful intimacy back into our relationships with men (our husbands) by acknowledging that Marriage was never man’s idea, but Gods.
by admin | Marriage & Family
How to tell if your Marriage is Drifting
Your Marriage may be drifting if you begin to see a distancing between you and your spouse. After 20 years of marriage, I decided I wanted to go back to school and complete my Bachelor’s degree which I had been slowly completing for the past 20 years.
After discussing this idea with my spouse, we decided that since this was on my “Bucket List” I should just go and do it. So, that is just what I did.
We did not lay out a plan, nor estimate the hours it would take to attend classes, nor the time it would require after class studies. We did not take into consideration how much time it would take away for our 4 daughters who were also in school. The focus at that time was to complete my degree.
After a few months attending college, I found myself getting little rest, I was staying up late studying all the time. My husband on the other hand was taking the girls to and from school everyday, and at times picking me up from class at night.
In very little time, We both became preoccupied with the stressors of life and our marriage suffered as a result of it. The marriage began to drift in two directions, and that is exactly what we had vowed to never allow to happen. Couples must know when to stop and take a marriage check. We had to slow down, reevaluate our situation, and decide what was important, and then shift our marriage from drifting away from us, but towards us.
When a marriage is drifting, couple have a tendency to direct their energies in other directions, away from their marriage. Many times without even knowing it. Being a couple of faith, we knew we had to put a halt to the direction our marriage was going, and focus more on spending time together to bring back the joy of marriage that God intended it to be.
Most marriages, at one time or another may drift. the important thing is knowing what to do when that happens. Marriage drifting is never something couple’s see happening. It creeps up on you like a thief in the night. The decision I made to complete college was important to me, but not more important than my marriage.
Unfortunately, too many couples fail to see the value in choosing their marriage over other things such as careers, traveling, or starting a new relationship all together. Let’s face it, marriage takes work between both of you. It takes rolling up your sleeve and working together to make your marriage work.
Marriages may drift for many reasons, and oftentimes it is difficult to figure out what caused it to drift in the first place. I had to do some deep reflecting on my own to see what had changed in my marriage. I was able to see clearly that I had become preoccupied with my school work, and my husband was left alone trying to keep the family schedules together. So before we even knew it, our lives were moving in opposite directions. And we were both stressed to the max.
Marriage drifting is easy to do. It is like finding a food you really enjoy, so you eat it everyday. Why? Because you love it. Six months down the road you realize that you have gained 25 additional pounds, because you did not see the end results of eating this special food everyday. Instead of eating it once or twice a month. So now that you know that, you must put a plan in place to remedy the problem.
Marriage drifting works exactly the same way. The moment you realize there is a problem. Deal with it. We did! We had to take a recap and look at everything, The sooner you do this, the easier it will be.
The moment we realized the marriage was drifting we took the steps below to get back on track. We had often taken weekend get-a-ways, we started doing that again. I made the adjustment to do my class studies only on weekends, and keep my weekdays free. It was and adjustment, but it all worked out. Sunday dinners had always been a special time for our family, so we put that back on the agenda. We put our marriage as a priority, and everything else just fell in place.
If you asked me how, I would not know the “One Thing” that did it, but I would give you the 7 things that works when your marriage is drifting. You will be amazed when you both are willing to do the following:
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“Talk” – You must both be willing to talk about what changed to make the relationship drift. Many times, there are more than one reason.
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“Pray – Your marriage consists of your spouse, you and Jesus Christ. Pray daily to Him about the things you wish to change. Ask Him to bless your marriage.
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“Time” – Refocus your time. Make each other a priority, and build things around that.
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Smile – Find joy and laughter in your daily plans together. Keep humor in your daily conversations. Yesterday is gone. Today is now.
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Speak – Learn to speak His/her love language. You are both different as day and night. Don’t be afraid to say these words, “I Love You”.
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Enjoy – Enjoy your Marriage – Arrange time together – . You will be amazed how simple it is to enjoy the little things together..
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Mentor – Find a couple that has been married less years than you, and become their Mentor on marriage issues. Amazingly this will grown your marriage.
If you take the steps above, and make them a daily habit. You will be amazed of the outcome. I was able to graduate with my class that following year. My family sitting there beside me cheering me on, as I walked across that stage as a proud wife, mother and now graduate of a Michigan University.
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