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7 Things That Work When Your Marriage is Drifting

by | Marriage & Family

man and woman drifting in marriageHow to tell if your Marriage is Drifting

Your Marriage may be drifting if you begin to see a distancing between you and your spouse.  After 20 years of marriage, I decided I wanted to go back to school and complete my Bachelor’s degree which I had been slowly completing for the past 20 years.

After discussing this idea with my spouse, we decided that since this was on my “Bucket List” I should just go and do it. So, that is just what I did.

We did not lay out a plan, nor estimate the hours it would take to attend classes, nor the time it would require after class studies. We did not take into consideration how much time it would take away for our 4 daughters who were also in school. The focus at that time was to complete my degree.

After a few months attending college, I found myself getting little rest, I was staying up late studying all the time. My husband on the other hand was taking the girls to and from school everyday, and at times picking me up from class at night.

In very little time, We both became preoccupied with the stressors of life and our marriage suffered as a result of it.  The marriage began to drift in two directions, and that is exactly what we had vowed to never allow to happen. Couples must know when to stop and take a marriage check. We had to slow down, reevaluate our situation, and decide what was important, and then shift our marriage from drifting away from us, but towards us.

When a marriage is drifting, couple have a tendency to direct their energies in other directions, away from their marriage. Many times without even knowing it. Being a couple of faith, we knew we had to put a halt to the direction our marriage was going, and focus more on spending time together to bring back the joy of marriage that God intended it to be.

Most marriages, at one time or another may drift. the important thing is knowing what to do when that happens. Marriage drifting is never something couple’s see happening.  It creeps up on you like a thief in the night. The decision I made to complete college was important to me, but not more important than my marriage.

Unfortunately, too many couples fail to see the value in choosing their marriage over other things such as careers, traveling, or starting a new relationship all together. Let’s face it, marriage takes work between both of you.  It takes rolling up your sleeve and working together to make your marriage work.

Marriages may drift for many reasons, and oftentimes it is difficult to figure out what caused it to drift in the first place.  I had to do some deep reflecting on my own to see what had changed in my marriage. I was able to see clearly that I had become preoccupied with my school work, and my husband was left alone trying to keep the family schedules together. So before we even knew it, our lives were moving in opposite directions. And we were both stressed to the max.

Marriage drifting is easy to do.  It is like finding a food you really enjoy, so you eat it everyday. Why? Because you love it. Six months down the road you realize that you have gained 25 additional pounds, because you did not see the end results of eating this special food everyday. Instead of eating it once or twice a month. So now that you know that, you must put a plan in place to remedy the problem.

Marriage drifting works exactly the same way.  The moment you realize there is a problem.  Deal with it.  We did!  We had to take a recap and look at everything,  The sooner you do this, the easier it will be.

The moment we realized the marriage was drifting we took the steps below to get back on track.  We had often taken weekend get-a-ways, we started doing that again.  I made the adjustment to do my class studies only on weekends, and keep my weekdays free.  It was and adjustment, but it all worked out.  Sunday dinners had always been a special time for our family, so we put that back on the agenda.  We put our marriage as a priority, and everything else just fell in place.

If you asked me how, I would not know the “One Thing” that did it, but I would give you the 7 things that works when your marriage is drifting. You will be amazed when you both are willing to do the following:

  1. “Talk”  – You must both be willing to talk about what changed to make the relationship drift.  Many times, there are more than one reason.

  2. “Pray –  Your marriage consists of your spouse, you and Jesus Christ.  Pray daily to Him about the things you wish to change.  Ask Him to bless your marriage.

  3. “Time”  – Refocus your time.  Make each other a priority, and build things around that.

  4. Smile – Find joy and laughter in your daily plans together. Keep humor in your daily conversations. Yesterday is gone.  Today is now.

  5. Speak  – Learn to speak His/her love language.  You are both different as day and night.  Don’t be afraid to say these words, “I Love You”.

  6. Enjoy  –  Enjoy your Marriage – Arrange time together – .  You will be amazed how simple it is to enjoy the little things together..

  7. Mentor – Find a couple that has been married less years than you, and become their Mentor on marriage issues. Amazingly this will grown your marriage.

If you take the steps above, and make them a daily habit. You will be amazed of the outcome. I was able to graduate with my class that following year.  My family sitting there beside me cheering me on, as I walked across that stage as a proud wife, mother and now graduate of a Michigan University.

Are Pageants for Every Girl

by | Pageant News

Black female Pageant Queen; modeling her white dress holding pom poms in her handAre Pageants for you?

The question is always asked, “Are Pageants for Every Girl”?  This question is often misunderstood by many parents of girls who have a false impression of what a beauty Pageant is all about. For many years, I felt the same way.  Please take the time to read my personal experience when my daughter participated in a beauty pageant, and you will see how it changed our lives forever.  You will also see why I would say that “pageants are for every girl who aspires to have that experience. Check out these 5 benefits a pageant can bring to every girl

  • Pageant enhance confidence.

  • Pageants improves public speaking skills.

  • Pageants increases charisma and intelligence.

  • Pageants help girl define their Platform.

  • Pageants help define a girl’s life purpose.

Pageants were not a thing that I focused on very much as my daughters were growing up.  It was not until one of my daughters reached the age of 16 and stumbled across a announcement in the local newspaper of an upcoming state pageant which would be held mother later.  The announcement stated that they were looking for participants as city queens to “try out” for the State competition that was coming up in a few weeks.

My daughter was excited about the city queen tryout opportunity, so we were supportive of her in seeing her enthusiasm to do this.  We gave her the funds she needed to complete her city queen registration requirement, which was only $25.  This included her completing a one page essay.

A few weeks later, she was contacted for her city queen telephone Interview, which included a 3 minute Question & Answer on a Topic of her interest.

Amazingly, this opportunity turned into a positive experience for my daughter. She took her instructions for the next step very seriously. She wrote, and rewrote her essay, and wanted to present her thoughts and writing as well as she could. She waited for about another month, then the letter she had been waiting to receive from the organization finally arrived in the mail.

The letter was addressed to the parents of “Kimberly”, since she was under the age of eighteen.  It read as follows, “Thank you for your interest in participating in our upcoming state pageant competition.  We are happy to inform you, that out of the 87 registrants from your city, you have been chosen to represent your city in the upcoming Michigan State Pageant Competition, which will be held in Detroit.  It went on to say that she would be receiving her city queen sash in the next couple weeks”.

We began to see a difference in our daughter.  It was as if the lights of opportunity had came on for her. She immediately begin planning and preparing for the upcoming State Competition. She had to get letters from her school counselor, teacher recommendations, 20 hours of community service, and grades “B” or better that would also be presented to the judges by the date of the competition.  She kept a journal of all the things she needed to do to maintain her eligibility status.  I was amazed how positive the pageant owners were in the lives of all the girls. They treated them with respect, value and dignity.Girl wearing white dress, putting on her queen sash on stage, after winning state pageant competition, Queen Crowning Moment with other girls around her

As the State Competition drew near, I took my daughter shopping for her pageant dress, shoes, etc., I saw the glitter in her eyes as she imagined walking the runway in every dress that she tried on. But there was a particular dress that gave her a “sparkle” that was different from all of the other dresses that she had tried on, and she knew it. This is the one, “she said”, and  I could not have agreed with her more. She flourished in the dress, and it was made just for her.

I think for a brief moment, she lost herself in the dress and thought she was “Cinderella”. The girl that every “Queen” aspires to be when they enter the room, and the room becomes alive just because of their presence. Her confidence, charisma, and inner beauty shined through so much that everyone in the Bridal shoppe hovered around her in awe.

To every mom and dad who may be seeking the right pageant for their daughter and wondering are Pageants for every girl?  The answer to that question is “Yes”.  if your daughter would like to present herself in a good pageant system, I highly recommend you allow her to do so.  I often think back what would have happened if my husband and I did not support our daughter in her desire to participate in this pageant.  Life for her may have been a lot different, and not in a positive way.

You can imagine the ending of this story.  With 289 delegates in the state competition, our daughter was crowned State Queen!  Six month later, she went to the National Competition in New York City, and was first Runner up!  This was quite an accomplishment for a 16 year old.  Her level of self esteem skyrocketed, and her passion became her desire to help motivate and inspire other girls to greatness. She wanted every girl to have that same enthusiasm about life as she did. Her desire was to become owner and director of her very own Beauty Pageant, and she wanted every girl at the competition to be crowned.

One year later, we had birthed our very own Beauty Pageant System. One that crowned every girl for her accomplishments. We have been pageant owners for more than 19 years. I believe that girls need this type of interaction and experience today more than ever before.  Girls come, and girls go. I continuously will hear back from many of them sharing how their lives changed after participating in our pageant system.

If you would have asked me prior to this experience, if pageants were for every girl, I probably would have said “No”, but there is something that every girl can gain from a pageant experience. I encourage parents to find the right pageant for their daughter, it can be a great experience.  It may even change her life, it did for my daughter.

7 Ways to Celebrate “Her” this Mother’s Day

by | General

Annie Eure wearing Red JacketYou are So Blessed to Have a Mother

There are many many reasons to celebrate your mother this year. First, let’s look at “What a Mother is”. A mother is someone who birth a child; adopt a child; or someone who raised you as their own.  Not every mother birthed you from her womb, or is your biological mother, but she might as well have been, because a loving mother sees you as her own.

Welcome to my Blog/Article in support of “All Mothers”.  I just so happen to be a Mother of 5 beautiful daughters. 3 by adoption.  I will not say that raising 5 girls was an easy task, because it wasn’t.  But, if you asked me if I would do it all over again, I would probably say, “ABSOLUTELY”!  But I would do a few things differently.

I chose to write this blog/article because whoever your mother is, or was, you can find a blessing in it.  I am sending this message to every child through adulthood all over the world.  If you are blessed to have a mother this “Mother’s Day”. Show her your gratitude and appreciation.

If you haven’t seen your mother in one day, or in  5 years, this is the time to reach out to her, not just because Mother’s Day is coming soon, but because she is your mother. Let all the dead bones stay buried, put it aside and enjoy this time together.

We live in a culture where life get’s busy. Many times we are too busy to reach out to the ones we love, especially our moms. Let’s change that this year! I am calling on everyone, young or older to reach out to the mother in your life this Mother’s Day!

Remember, Mothers have been places where you have not.  She has experienced things, that only a few people can imagine. Mothers hold the home together, and prays for you often.  Mothers are great people to talk to – even when you think your friend knows best. She wants you to have fun, be safe and do the right thing. You may not like what she says, but in most case, she is right.

The question was once asked… Is there a such thing as a “Bad Mother”?  I would argue the fact that the answer is “No”.  But, I would agree that there are mothers who have made “bad choices”.  I believe that every good mother would agree that mothering is a tough job, and along the way mothers will have to make tough choices, and many times these choices are not good ones.  But, that does not make her a bad mother.

So, lets look at 7 ways we can celebrate our mother this Mother’s Day.

  1. Call her on the telephone.  This is the easiest and most efficient way to show your love to her. There is nothing better than her hearing your voice.

  2. Send her a Mother’s Day card. Be careful with this one, cards can sometime say words that does not apply to your relationship with her, and she will know that you did not put much effort into choosing the right card to send her.

  3. Send her flowers.  Now if you can’t afford this one, go with numbers 1 or 2 above.

  4. “Zoom Conference” with her.  This is a great way to see her and talk with her all at the same time. Make sure she is able to connect with you on a Zoom call.

  5. Drive by her home and call her on her phone and ask her to look out the window. If you live in the same city.  This is especially special if you have children. You and your family can keep your distance outside your car, but can say to her “You Love Her”.

  6. Mother’s love sharing church service with her family. Send her the link to your online church service, and enjoy sharing that time with her as you continue to engage in social distancing.

  7. If you don’t know where your mother is…..Find her!  Then call her and let her know that you are nearby, in heart and in person.

I wish all of you “Success” this year in celebrating your mother.  She is SPECIAL!  You will be so glad you did.  I look forward to hearing your feedback below!

How to Look and Act like a Spokes Model

by | Etiquette & Success

blonde hair woman; spokes ModelHow to Become what you Aspire in 3 Easy Steps

Have you often thought about what life would be like for you if you were a Spokes Model?  When you thought about it, you decided that maybe, just maybe, you did not actually want to be a Spokes Model, but maybe you wanted to act look like one.  Understanding the role of a Spokes Model is the first step in truly knowing if you would like to become one.

So, let’s look at the pros and cons to becoming a Spokes Model. A Spokes Model is pretty much what it says, it is a person who speaks on behalf of someone else. In many instances, they are representing and speaking on behalf of a company.  The company hires you, the Spokes Model. In many descriptions a Spokes Model is also referred to as Spoken Person.

Companies hire a Spokes Model to represent their company to say good things about a product or service.  The company allows this person to be the front line, or guiding force in convincing the consumer that the product or service the company represents is exactly what they need.

Spokes Models are often very well spoken, and in most instances they look physically healthy.  They present themselves as one who have tried the product or service, and is happy to stand in between the Company and the Consumer as a “I tried it, You buy it” mentality. And because of their convincing demeanor, people will trust them to buy whatever they are selling. The cons to this method is that, many times the Spokes Model will convince others to purchase products when they have never tried the product themselves. Spokes Models sees it as a job, and not a conviction of truth. Many Spokes Models are honest people and will soon move out of that role because of their integrity.

So, wanting to look and act like a Spokes Model is a good thing. It allows you to show off your presentation skills, dress neatly and look good. Start improving your speaking vocabulary immediately by enrolling in a Speaking course. Remember, Spokes Models are poised, articulate and versatile. So the next thing you want to do is improve your image and etiquette skills. You may want to enroll in a language course to impress people from other countries. Lastly, if you are not already a Professional, start acting like one. Watch and see how quickly people will see you are a Spokes Model.

Step 1.  Improve your vocabulary and speaking skills.

Step 2. Rev up your Image and Etiquette Skills

Step 3.  Act like a Professional Right Now!